I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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