I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
