I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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