that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
