I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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