Kareoke will never be a sober sport
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
