He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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