I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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