i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
