Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
