tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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