i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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