So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
