I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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