She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
