so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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