the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
