weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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