how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
