no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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