That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
