i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
