Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The power of my boobs compel you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
