We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
