i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
