It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
