It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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