It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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