I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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