The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
