My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
