next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
