if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We need to get me chipped asap
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
