WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize