You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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