he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
