just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
