..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
