that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
