Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
