i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
