Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize