even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
