I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
