The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're like the curious george of whores
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
