I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
