Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
