We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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