know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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