I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
