last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
