we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
