Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Terrible idea I love it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
