turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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