so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
