4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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