Tell her she can't have a vagina
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she told me i tasted like america
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
