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I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
