im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
