i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
