Screwed.edu
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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