Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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