You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
