Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
