chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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